Attorneys will frequently suggest ‘journaling,’ to clients who are going through dissolution of marriage.  Interestingly, psychotherapists may also ask clients to journal, but the purpose in each case is different.

By creating a journal, the lawyer hopes that the client will produce not simply a piece of evidence, but a written record that memorializes events, sets priorities, and helps to achieve clarity regarding goals.  As Sgt. Friday of Dragnet fame often said, “The facts ma’am.  Just the facts.”  If emotions were simply removed from the divorce equation, and each matter proceeded on facts alone, every lawyer’s job would be much easier.  That, however, is not likely to happen, because the very nature of divorce is fraught with passion and pain.

A therapist friend of mine, Lindy Hill, knows that couples considering divorce often experience overwhelming emotions.   Lindy points out that, “In a divorce, a person may be threatened with the loss of home, financial security (and) or support system.  No one brings them flowers.”  Thus, therapeutic use of Journaling gives a person another avenue to tell his or her side of the story.    Lindy points out that, “By using Journaling, divorcing couples can express feelings in a safe mode, ‘wash out’ resentments, reduce anger and achieve insights.”   For example, she will often suggest that a Client make a written farewell to hopes and dreams for the marriage.  Lindy states that, “My clients are asked to write without self-censuring.  Therapeutic Journaling does not have to be organized or make ’sense.’ In therapy, we process the writing together.  Journaling is one way therapists allow clients to find their own voice and … a point where it is possible to make more rational decisions.  Once a person can think clearly, he or she can move from therapeutic journaling to the type of journaling that benefits the legal progress of divorce – prioritizing and condensing.”

Ms. Hill recommends the divorcing couple choose a team approach: collaborative lawyers who specialize in Family Law, a financial planner able to act as a Neutral, and a psychotherapist to help them navigate the various stages inherent in the process of divorce.   Lindy said that, “While some couples (operate) in a state of shock, others might “melt-down” in the attorney’s office.  How much better it would be to allow emotions to surface within the safety of a therapist’s office.  Journaling is one way to bring Clients to the point where they are able to come an agreement that makes long-term sense for both of them.”